Navigating the Mono-poly of Relationships

Image: AI generated, Freepik

To the Passionately Curious,

An open relationship or a breakup after seven years together. Seriously, are those my only options?!

After rolling the dice many times, I thought I had found the one, and we were a happy family of four with our two fur babies. There were challenges, of course, and I’ll never pretend I was perfect (but damn close, like so many of you). Then, there was a great bang—just not with me.

I was devastated, heartbroken, and furious. I reached out to my fairy godfathers for advice, and the options were either a breakup (because it will happen again) or opening the relationship. What to do?

Growing up, the message from both church and society was clear: you had two options—single or married. You got to choose one, and in the age of Bridget Jones’s Diary, the obvious path to happiness was marriage. (Yes, I know I’m showing my age.)

Why am I telling you this story? Because I want you to consider what relationship style truly suits you and what conversations you should have before starting your game of Monopoly.

In our community, relationships take many forms, reflecting the diverse ways people experience love, commitment, and intimacy. While monogamy remains a trusted choice, many individuals explore alternatives such as polyamory, open relationships, and relationship anarchy. But how do you know what works best for you? And how can you navigate these dynamics in a way that feels comfortable and healthy?

Understanding Relationship Structures

• Monogamy – A relationship between two people who commit exclusively to each other. Some find comfort in traditional monogamy due to social norms, personal values, stability, and emotional security.

• Polyamory – A relationship involving multiple romantic and/or sexual partners with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It challenges the notion that love must be exclusive, embracing the idea that love is abundant and not limited to just one person.

• Open Relationships – Typically involve a primary couple where one or both partners engage in sexual or romantic relationships outside of the couple. Boundaries are set based on what feels comfortable for everyone involved.

• Relationship Anarchy – A non-hierarchical approach to relationships that prioritises individual autonomy and connection on a case-by-case basis.

Each of these relationship styles exists on a spectrum with varying levels and rules, making things even more colourful. I must point out that none of these structures are inherently better than the others—monogamy is simply more widely recognised due to societal and religious norms. Of course, these relationship styles aren’t exclusive to the queer community.

What Works for You?

Your ideal relationship structure depends on your emotional needs, values, and lifestyle. Exploring different models, talking with your partner(s), and remaining open to change can help you find what feels right. Whether you prefer a game for two, enjoy multiple players, or play a different game altogether, the most important thing is that your relationships are built on respect, honesty, and mutual care.

Remember, you can always change your mind—just make sure the ones you care about are aware of it. Are you in the relationship you want to be in? If not, what are you going to do about it?

So, What Happened To Us?

After couples’ therapy, we decided that a breakup was the best option. Hearing the words “I don’t love you anymore” means game over.

Wishing you love, laughter, and a little mischief.